Category: doing it your way

11. Latch-key kids and dumpsters…being your own guru

On By purposepassionandloveIn Airplane, be your own guru, being yourself, doing it your way, helicopter parenting, leader, life lessons, listen to your own voice, Long Island, movie quotes, movies, raising kids, summer camp2 Comments

I recently saw the quote, “I was a latch-key kid and I turned out just fine” and it brought back many memories from my childhood.  When I turned nine, my older sister went away to college in upstate New York and was no longer around to watch me after school.

At the end of each school day, I would head to the candy store across from my elementary school and buy one of my favorites–either Whoppers, Razzles, or Goldberg Peanut Chews.  The crossing guard would then help me safely across the busy street (Rockaway Parkway) that my school was located on and I would walk the remaining four blocks to my home.

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Once safely inside my house, I would tear into the day’s candy bag while watching my favorite shows, Dukes of Hazzard and Little House on the Prairie. I never felt unsafe or abandoned by my mother and father, who both worked 9-5 to help our family of four stay afloat.

Among my close friends, I was the only latch-key kid.  All my girlfriends had stay-at-home moms that greeted them each afternoon with a special snack, hug, and help with their homework.  I learned to make my own snack, was satisfied with the furry hug and wet slobber of my German Shepard-Collie mix, and worked out each math problem all by myself.

None of this really bothered me.  In fact, many of my friends enjoyed coming to MY house after school where we could do homework and play without a meddling parent around. So each day, alone or with a friend, I was without an adult until my mother arrived home between 5:30 and 6:00 p.m.

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It was only during the summer months that I resented the fact that both my parents worked.  It was during these months that I wanted to be like everyone else and have my mother around to take me to the town pool or beach where I could meet up with friends and family and enjoy beach picnics and treats from the ice cream man.  Instead, I was shipped off, like a boarding school kid, to a day camp located nearly an hour from my house.

At first I was quite resistant to going away to camp mainly, because I wanted to spend the summer with my friends.  My mother assured me I would make new friends–special “camp friends” that I would get to see every summer when I returned to camp.  Returned?!?! I couldn’t believe my mother expected me to go back again the following year!!

As usual, my mother was right.  I did make wonderfully special “camp friends” that first year.  I enjoyed many activities such as swimming, hiking, art, canoeing, and so much more.  I even helped lead my camp group to a first place win in the talent show by choreographing the moves to our “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” musical skit.

In addition to making new friends, I also discovered a side of myself that had yet to emerge—that of a leader. Among my school friends back home, I had always been more of a follower than a leader.  As one of the tallest girls in my grade who also went through quite the ‘awkward stage’ in my pre-teen years, I enjoyed blending in with the pack, rather than standing out.  But in camp, my wallflower tendencies melted away in the hot, summer sun.  I was not shy and was unafraid to stand out in the crowd…in fact, I kind of liked it!

On the last day of camp, we all boarded the bus to go to the movies together.  The new comedy, Airplane was playing and we were all excited to see it!  As we exited the bus, we eagerly chatted about who would sit next to who, what snacks we would buy at the concession stand, and how happy we were that we would be seeing each other the following summer.

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We walked single file through the parking lot toward the theater’s entrance.  As we approached a big dumpster in the parking lot, I watched as each student walked dangerously close to the dumpster and when arriving at the long metal arm used for lifting, they ducked under the metal piece as if they were doing the dumpster limbo!  One by one, each student ducked in time, safely passing under the metal arm.  Each time a student passed under, I thought to myself, “That was close…I’m not sure I want to do this.”

Soon, it was my turn and I had to decide whether I would step safely around the dumpster or follow all the campers before me and duck under the arm.  At the last second, I made the decision and like all the others before me, I followed their lead and began to duck under the dumpster’s arm.  Unfortunately, I did not account for my height and I misjudged my ducking, slamming my forehead into the metal arm with ample force.

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Within minutes, the bump on my head swelled to the size of an orange!  My counselors gave me an ice pack and had me sit in the theater’s lobby, not far from the tasty popcorn and snacks I would no longer be enjoying.  All my friends headed into the theater while I waited for my mother to make the long journey to pick me up and take me home.  I could hear the sounds of laughter coming from the theater and sat there quietly sobbing from the pain of my injury and the sadness of missing out on our end of camp excursion.

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So, what have I learned from my nine-year old self? Well, as a latch-key kid, I learned independence, something that is not given freely or at least early in today’s age of helicopter parenting.  I have tried to be less coddling with my daughter and have seen her maturity and independence grow in leaps and bounds because of it.

In that moment when I had to decide whether to step around the dumpster or follow the other campers under the metal arm, I had the opportunity to not only be smart, but bold and step around the path of ‘followers.’ I could have lead others behind me to do the same but instead, resorted to my follower mentality. For that, life rewarded me with a figurative and literal whack on the head!

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As I stepped up to that dumpster and prepared to duck under its metal arm, I ignored my inner voice, my personal guru, telling me what action I should take.

We all look for answers in our lives…answers that will help guide us to make the best decisions in our personal lives, careers, finances, etc. Many of us have our go-to advisers, those people we look to when we face difficult choices.  It’s important to have these people in our lives to give us an outside perspective that we may not see ourselves.  However, after listening to this advice, it’s important to keep in mind that—“you are the expert on you” and know what the best choice is deep within your core.

“I am serious” when I tell you that…

         You are today, and will always continue to be, “your own best guru!”

So, trust that voice and follow your own path and please, “don’t call me Shirley!!!” 🤣🤣🤣

guru2 I had almost forgotten this story until recently, when discussing the movie, Airplane with the man I’m seeing, J.  We were quoting lines from the movie, a game we like to play to see if we can stump the other…a game I usually lose.  All of a sudden, I was transported back to that theater and saw my nine-year-old self sitting pitifully in the lobby, with a huge knot on my forehead.  I shared the story with J and he suggested it would be a great topic for my next blog post. So, here is my shout out to him for helping me recall this memory and encouraging me to share it with my small, but hopefully growing, group of followers. 😘😘

Peace ☺ and love♥

9. I hope you dance…my wish for 2018

On By purposepassionandloveIn auld lang syne, dealing with loss, doing it your way, finding joy, finding love, finding yourself, Harry Potter, I hope you dance, Leann Womack, life lessons, London, music, New year's, online dating, Paris, putting yourself first, travel, writing6 Comments

As 2017 comes to a close, I find myself, like many others, reflecting on the past year while looking forward to a new year of possibilities.  Looking back, 2017 was very good to me…and to my daughter. I can say with certainty that it was a year where both of us grew and changed for the better.

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At the close of each year, as the countdown reaches zero and we welcome a new year, confetti fills the air, lovers share passionate kisses, and the song, Auld Lang Syne is sung by all.  This song, based on a poem by the Scot, Robert Burns is a reminder to remember and hold dear in our hearts the old friends of our past. It makes a toast to the year ahead with hopes of health and happiness for the future. I can’t seem to listen to the song without thinking about my mother and sister, both of which are no longer with us. The song brings to mind all the happy memories we shared as well as the many life lessons they taught me over the years.

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In the short 15 years I had my mother on this earth, she taught me how to love with all my heart and soul.  She showed me the importance of empathy, kindness, and family. While I’ve lived more years without her than with her, we are cut from the same cloth and I am fortunate to have her admirable traits woven deep within my core.

My sister and mother at my sister’s college singing recital, 1984 Fredonia, NY

My only sibling, my older sister, was also my best friend and second mother from the age of 15 on.  She taught me more lessons than I could fit on this blog. Among the most important, she taught me to believe in myself and to never give up, no matter how hard the fight.  As a high school music teacher, she taught her students so much more than scales and breathing techniques.  She pushed them to be their very best and she inspired them to reach for their dreams.

My daughter and sister in the summer of 2014

Me, my daughter, and sister.   Christmas 2014 in Little Rock, Arkansas 

At the close of each school year, my sister would gather all her graduating seniors in her chorus room and serenade them with the song, I Hope You Dance.  Her students loved to hear her sing and were genuinely touched by the message she sent to each of them as they were about to head out into the real world–to live their lives without fear and never sit out any opportunity that life may put in their path.

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Upon my sister’s death a few years ago, hundreds of past students attended her services.  On the last night of her wake, these students, joined by my daughter, returned the favor and sang the most beautiful, heart-felt version of the song back to her. Anyone who was there that night will tell you that they now have a special connection to my sister’s memory through this song.  For myself, when I hear it, I know it’s a sign from her, telling me to keep taking chances and going after my dreams and to never “sit out” any opportunity that life brings me.

So, inspired by the upcoming new year and the important messages my sister continues to send me to “dance,” I have included 4 lessons that I have learned in 2017 that I will carry with me into the new year.

1. When given the opportunity to do something amazing…do it!

2017 was a year of travel with trips to Florida, London, Paris, and Aruba.  Although these trips altogether were expensive, the benefits certainly outweighed the monetary cost. Experiencing a great deal of loss within a short period of time teaches you to seize the moment and make as many wonderful memories with loved ones as possible. rocketship

So, when the opportunity to meet cast members from the Harry Potter movies comes up, grab your wand and head to Florida..even if it’s just for a day and a half.  When a friend from your college days invites you to stay with her at her flat in London and suggests a few days in Paris, renew your passport and dust off your high school french.  And when your week to visit your late sister’s timeshare in Aruba arrives, pack your bikini and sunscreen and finally head to that “one happy island,” even if it’s a place that had been too painful to visit in the previous two years.

2. Take care of your body…it’s the only one you’re going to get.

2017 was also a year of committing to my health.  I began the year at my heaviest weight ever and within 6 months dropped almost 80 pounds. It was a strict program but I was dedicated to looking and feeling good and being around a long time for my daughter.  One year later, I have more confidence, energy, and a completely new fabulous wardrobe!

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3. Put yourself first by finding out (or recalling) what makes YOU happy.

In 2017, I started to put myself first.  By recalling the things that used to bring me joy, I found myself again after being lost for a really long time.  My priorities still include the well-being of my daughter but I have learned how to balance my responsibilities as a mother with my responsibilities to making myself happy.  The biggest joy that is back in my life is writing.  This blog has become my saving grace, reminding me to never stop doing what gives you joy.

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4. Don’t be afraid to love again…there is someone out there for everyone.

This year I was finally ready to enter the dating scene again.  After a bumpy and very hesitant start on a couple of online dating sites, I am hopeful that I will one day meet my Mr. Right-be it online or the old-fashioned way. Last month, my friend set me up with a great guy visiting from out of state and we had a wonderful time.  It felt so good to talk, laugh, and feel attracted to someone again.  The date definitely helped relight a flame that had been extinguished for too long. Although the idea of dating as a single mother in her 40’s is scary, I am excited about the future and the possibility of finding love again.

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I hope you all have had a wonderful 2017 full of love, adventure, and many lessons to learn from.  My wish for all of us for 2018 is that we “dance” and “never lose our sense of wonder” when it comes to this amazing journey called life.

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Dedicated to my beautiful sister and guardian angel, Michelle. ♥

Peace and love ☺♥

4. Sock, sock, shoe, shoe…what about you?

On By purposepassionandloveIn All in the Family, Archie Bunker, being yourself, dealing with loss, doing it your way, funny story, Long Island, Sock sock shoe shoe, television5 Comments

As I mentioned in my last post, this week’s theme is:  The Quirks of Daily Routine.  I say quirks here because what is normal for some, may seem absolutely crazy to others.  From the moment you wake up until the moment you rest your head on the pillow each night, you follow certain patterns or routines. I had never really given the subject much thought until this past week when a friend and neighbor posted a question on Facebook about whether there were others out there, like herself, who put socks and shoes on in the order-sock, shoe, sock, shoe.

allinthefamily**Click the picture above for the link to the video clip!

This post soon blew up, mostly with comments calling my friend and her routine insane.  Time and again, she stood her ‘one socked and shoed’ ground, deflecting all the negative comments with humor and many smiley emojis ☺☺.

Even when a friend challenged her by discussing the dangers of her routine, she did not falter.  The question was posed, “If a fire or other emergency were to occur in the middle of your one-at-a-time foot-dressing, wouldn’t it be dangerous if only one of your feet were protected from the cold and dirty ground when you ran outside to safety?”

A valid point, I thought.  But my friend adeptly dealt with this scenario stating that because her one foot was so well protected with both sock AND shoe, she could stand on that foot, like a flamingo and hop to safety. She further argued that at least she would have one dressed and protected foot whereas everyone else would soon have two cold feet in their single sock layer!

After reading her comments, I was intrigued by this sock-shoe dilemma so I turned to the one source that is always there for me when I am faced with life’s big questions…Google!  It turns out this very debate was first exposed in an episode of the 1970’s hit comedy, All in the Family. In the episode titled, Gloria Sings the Blues, Archie Bunker tries to correct his son-in-law, Michael (Meathead), who puts his sock and then shoe on one foot. Like my friend, Meathead is left defending his routine up until the time Archie storms out of the room ordering him to start doing it the “right way.”

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Which leads me to the bigger question here…who decides what the right and wrong way is to put on your socks and shoes?  Or the direction you load the toilet paper?  Or the way you live your life?

At the end of the day, the only person that can decide the right way is YOU.  People may not like your choices or decisions.  They may call you crazy and criticize your ways. But you keep doing you and face that criticism with humor and lots of smiley emojis ☺☺

And if the negative energy the nay-sayers send your way start to bring you down, you just hop, like a flamingo, as far away from them as you can. Your one strong, protected foot will carry you further in life because you are not afraid to do things YOUR way,

2. I’m back….thanks to Amazon Prime

On By purposepassionandloveIn Amazon, Amazon prime, doing it your way, Eat, Pray, Love, ex-husband, finding love, finding yourself, How Stella Got her Groove Back, Julia Roberts, Long Island, movie quotes, movies, Mrs. Doubtfire, putting yourself first, raising kids, Robin Williams, single mom, single parenthood, taking control, teacher5 Comments

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Countless books have been written and movies produced about how people, most of them women, have found their way back to the person they once were.  Remember the passion when Stella Got Her Groove Back?  Wasn’t it inspiring to watch Julia Roberts Eat, Pray, Love?  And who could forget Robin Williams finding his way while donning facial prosthesis, a grey wig, and the fake, old lady boobs of Mrs. Doubtfire? While each of these characters chose different vehicles to make their way back to their true selves, each had to peel away at the layers of discontent that had built up over the years, mainly after being in unhealthy relationships.

stella                                 eatpraylove2

Okay, so I have not had the pleasure of a passionate night with Taye Diggs nor have I nourished my palate and soul while traveling through Italy, India, and Indonesia. As for the old lady boobs, I am proud to say that at 45, mine are still right where they should be!

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What have I done to “be back” you may ask?  I have stopped (or rather radically reduced) GIVING!!! For too many years my life consisted of me giving ALL my time and energy so that the people in my life were cared for and content.  Sounds admirable, right?  Wrong!! Because I never put ME first, I soon found myself further and further from the person I used to be, the person that I really loved to be.  I forgot the girl that wrote poetry into the wee hours of the morning.  I lost the girl that searched for hours to find the beauty of a babbling brook in Colorado. I abandoned the girl that dreamed of a man who would be loving, kind, and treat her like a precious gem.

For years, my friends and family had been trying to get me to realize how many concessions I had been making and urged (some more vocally than others) me to leave my bad marriage.  I did finally do just that (though years too late) but unfortunately I still continued on the path of putting myself last.  Not that this is an excuse, but I do have a daughter who is still trying to grasp our new normal and accept life as a kid with a mom and dad that live in two homes.  Add to that that my ex is not exactly father of the year and constantly disappoints my daughter which has resulted in me–a single mom who works her ass off to fill both parental roles.

I’m a sixth grade Science and Language Arts teacher.  I tell you this because I am about to school you on something I teach my students-plot diagram.  It shows the progression of a novel from start to finish.  Like a ride on a roller coaster, the plot ascends, highlighting the problem or conflict, then reaching a climax or high point of the story, and eventually descends toward a resolution.  Somewhere before the end of the novel there is a ‘turning point,’ an event that changes the course of the novel and the actions of the characters.

Last night my story reached its turning point. While having a nice dinner with my daughter, my ex kept texting me asking questions about my daughter’s Amazon Christmas wish list that I sent him.  He was confused about what Prime meant and what he had to do and if he needed to get Prime to get the gifts she wanted.  His texts were constant and interrupted the nice meal we were having after a long week. Having Prime myself, my first instinct was to do what I always have done and offer to take care of the order to save him time, effort, and money.  It was a knee-jerk reaction, one that I luckily caught in time.  As if a giant hand descended into the dining room of The Cheesecake Factory and slapped me, I said to myself, “Enough!!!”  I then text him that I was out and he would have to figure it out on his own.  At that moment I felt so proud of myself and truly free and in control.  In that moment, it was as if I had written the best poem of my life or found the most serene babbling brook in all of nature.  Most of all, it was in that moment that I realized that I was a precious gem and treated MYSELF as such. By putting my needs and happiness in front of everything else, I became PRIME in my life and my decisions.

So, thank you Stella, Julia, and Robin and most of all thank you Amazon Prime.  Who knew you could offer me so much more than just 2-day free shipping?  I will definitely be renewing my membership!!

May you all find yourself as often as you need to until you realize your worth.

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Peace and love 😊 ❤️